Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer. Jean de La Fontaine
My best friend is the one who brings out the best of me. Henry Ford
Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. Muhammad Ali
Why is true friendship so rare? - Because people are jealous
In my daily life, I find that true friendship is hard to find. Indeed, one aspect of true friendship involves the ability to be truly happy for the good things that happen to your friends. Can you be happy for your friend who has the nicest girlfriend and family? who goes on holidays every month to the most exotic places in the world because he can? who just found the best job in the world and gets paid lots of money for it?
It's easier when you are happy yourself. Imagine being stuck in a job you hate and that pays coconuts and with no special someone despite you trying really hard to find one - can you still be happy for that friend who has it all? Well, don't worry, for your true friends, you will be (I hope for you).
I have met many jealous people who could only be happy for me when they were happy themselves. I learnt the hard way that they were not true friends indeed. Whenever I became too lucky or too happy, these people would become jealous instead of being happy for me. Jealousy led to gossip. Gossip always led to drama. Drama eventually weakened our "friendship". (cf. also my article on the Defining Decade. I am so happy to finally be able to spot potential true friends.) Move away from these toxic people and remember that true friends will always be happy for you. Never feel bad for being happy!
Does true friendship last forever? - Yes but you have to cultivate it, at least a little bit
Are we supposed to be friends with our friends for the rest of our lives? And if we don't stay friends, are we bad friends? Does it mean we were not true friends back then?
I am now much less close to some friends than I used to be but I do cherish those friendships. I am thinking of a few people that I have lost over the years and with whom I am not so close anymore because I moved to this island or they moved away. I know that back then, I could ask anything to these few friends and they would be there for me. They would pick me up in the middle of the night or give me a place to stay when I needed one. They would be here to celebrate my successes but also here to listen to me in my moments of doubt or sadness. Maybe today is different and they would not be the first people I call, but I do believe we will always have that special connection.
Sometimes I see these friends after months or even years of separation, and it's like we saw each other last week. I then feel absolutely sht for being such a bad friend, I realise how much I miss them and I promise myself to see them more often. I was lucky this time but I might lose them one day.
How can we spot true friends? - I don't know but take a chance
Our true friends will reveal themselves in time of need (this one, most people know). We have all experienced that disappointing feeling of finding out that some people we thought were our friends were in fact not that faithful. I think that time will tell. We can only really find out when shit happens. Shit happens, so eventually we do find out.
One thing I would advise and it may be the wrong way of doing things but that's what I do: always give the best of yourself to these people you think could become great friends with. Offer them a place to stay when they need it, introduce them to your friends, help them to get that job they want so much .. Do all that even if they have not done any of that for you yet because you just met them. Take the chance. It's unlikely you could regret it however the potential upside is uncapped.
Sometimes you have to do the first move towards someone to realise they can become truly awesome. After all, that's what friends do: they will bring out the best of you and you will find yourself being an incredibly patient, generous or understanding person because your friends made you. You cared so much about them that you became all that for them.
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