On why I run - not thinking is the true luxury!

WHY do we run? On Sunday, I am gonna run my 6th half-marathon (following Paris 2008, 2014, 2015, Lisbon 2014, Greenwich Run to the Beat 2013). The Great North Run is meant to be the largest sport event in the UK. There will red arrows and a massive crowd to support us. I am uber-excited.


Beyond that, I seriously want to beat my PB ("Personal Best"). 


I went for a run with a friend last Saturday and unlike me, she just did not care at all to beat her PB. Her time did not matter. She just wanted to have fun during the training and the race... I will now sound mad and crazy and obsessive but I instantly wanted to convince her to beat her PB. 

I am very conscious of the fact that I have not trained properly because I was busy (lazy?) and the race is very hilly and it is indeed very possible that I will not succeed to beat my PB... ...but at least I am gonna try! Really hard! And it's definitely the aim! It's somehow not conceivable for me to not try on d-day. It got me thinking, why do I care so much when she obviously does not care at all? What is it with me with beating PBs? Why am I so competitive? Am I really competitive though? I am my own competition - I just want to run faster than my previous self (six months ago).

I guess the answer is that it keeps me going. I have this great goal to work towards, it forces me to train when I am lazy. It gives me this stupid sense of purpose. I want to get better at it. I don't think it's for the praises because I don't run so fast that everyone would be impressed by my time. People who run will know I am not a fast runner and people who don't run will have no idea how fast I am or not. So really, it's mainly for me. When (if) I eventually beat my last PB, even by a few seconds, I know I will have this strong sense of satisfaction that I can run faster than I did six months ago. And it's a great feeling knowing I can still improve and my peak has not passed. If we don't want to be better at things that we do, what do we have left? Surviving?

As to why I run, it's not very obvious. Running is often described as "boring" (it can be at times). Running as fast as you can on a very long distance is on top of that .. ..painful. It's so painful that I almost overdosed at the 2015 Paris Half-Marathon - never again! Like a kid who just had his worst hangover on alcohol and promised never to drink again, I promised never to run again.. Until one month later, I ran the last 10K of the marathon with my brother and witnessed his pain and pride. It was awesome.

I started running because I wanted to be fit and it was so easy to start running: you just need shoes and off you go! (unlike tennis for example, where you need shoes but also a partner, a racket, tennis balls, an outdoor court with good weather conditions or an indoor court, and if you have never played tennis, you'll probably need a teacher).. 

Truth is, now I love running because 1. it's easier than it used to be - I am not out of breath straight away -, 2. the London parks are beautiful (Vicky park and Hyde park are my favourite) and it's the rare occasion I have to explore them 3. it's almost the only time where I don't think. It's comparable to meditation really. I don't think about friends, boyfriend, job hunting, money, family, holidays, getting a dog, my need to learn more, read more, paint more, travel more, the paperwork I did not do or the groceries I have to do. No, I just look at the road ahead of me, focus on my breathing and think about my pace. I look at my Tomtom "Damn I am too slow, I'll never beat my PB like this" or "Damn I am too fast I won't last at this pace". That's it. It's a true luxury to be able to think about nothing these days. It gets me tired too - the good tiredness, and when I am done, I am proud of the miles I have run. 

It takes time to like running, so if you just started don't give up just yet. Just run more slowly.

If you are still not convinced, here is a great book about running: What I talk about when I talk about running, Haruki Murakami

And talking about books, I have just finished the best fiction I have read in ages: The Martian, Andy Weir. Could seriously not put down! 

Enjoy the reading and the running, and let's try to always want to run faster (or be a better version of ourselves)!

Pilot - Let's not waste our lives!

So many smart people have told us the importance of doing what we love. We have all seen or read Steve Jobs' infamous Stanford commencement speech. Yes people, "Stay hungry. Stay foolish" Steve says. 

So why are we not listening to Steve? Cause Steve was a very smart guy and we all have no doubt about it.

I have been in the banking industry for the last 8 years. I started a summer internship in 2007 in the hot leading investment bank of the moment (it probably still is). My peers were so excited, ambitious, driven. People were indeed hungry. 

But somehow, 8 years down the line, I am in another leading investment bank and this time the picture is very different. I am surrounded by people who do not want to be here. They are all a bit tired, disillusioned. They have been through the biggest financial crisis of all time and it seems they never really got out of it. The young ones never really knew the glorious years of free food, free parties, big bonuses and yet are expected to work a lot (that's min. 12 hours per day with no lunch break for those unfamiliar with the industry). They also have realised by now that these years will never be back, at least not for them. The old ones feel a bit stuck because they started to send their kids in private school pre-2007 and bought a big house with an equally big mortgage thinking they will always be able to afford it. 

So, what happened? The motives were simply not good enough. I have met a lot of people in my career and very few of my colleagues actually have a love of financial markets. The majority of people I know chose this path because it was trendy, interesting and it made money. Today, in my team, it seems everyone would rather be somewhere else. And there is some comfort in sharing that with your colleagues, always jokingly of course - cause you never know. Complaining together is part of the ritual, and it brings each other sympathy and solidarity. And you need it when the job is not really your passion. 

For me though, it was a trigger in deciding to live a new life. Hearing all these people complaining did not make me feel better about my own situation. It just opened my eyes (see one of my favourite fable La Besace from La Fontaine). Do I want to become my boss (sometimes a criteria to know if you are in the right place)? Do I want to ever feel trapped in a job I don't really like because I got accustomed to an expensive lifestyle? Do I want to reach the point where I feel "I don't have a choice"? As a minion once said: "Eeeeeer no".

So I decided to leave to do something I am passionate about so I can have a shot of having a great career indeed. Actually, passionate is not even enough: I want to be like this guy and be obsessed about what I do. 

It sounds scary. This is probably why most of us haven't done it. Yes, some friends will not understand why I quit a low 6 figure salary job to do "something I love". And this is why I write today: it's actually easy if you remember the below. One of my best friends made me realise the most important thing that I have learnt so far in my humble life:

"Everyday that I do a job I dislike, I waste a day. I waste a day of my life. 

And if every day I am not enjoying my day but instead, I am waiting for the end of the day, and if I can realise that my life is made of all these days, well I am in fact waiting for the end of my life. I am wasting my life."

It is hard to convey how this idea changed my life. Life is precious. We should absolutely love it.

So, beloved reader, if every day you are more or less waiting for the end of the day to start living, I urge you to reconsider your life choices. Listen to Steve, to my friend or find a way to understand how important this is.

Be brave, stay hungry, stay foolish. We don't know what tomorrow will be made of, and we can't live life as if today was our last day, but we have to build a life we do not need to escape from and we might as well start today. We have only one life and this is it, this is now.