Long distance relationships always puzzled me.
Long distance relationships with no end in sight means the following: "You are so awesome and unique. I live in a city with 3mn inhabitants and you live in a city with 4mn inhabitants. Yet, of all these people I decide I want to be with you. Yes you, the one that lives 6000km away. There is no one else in my 3mn inhabited city that is a better fit for me".
Wow. When you take a step back, it's mind blowing. Love does make you blind. Yes, that person is so truly awesome and special that you'd rather spend hours on your phone or Skype or apart because the small moments you have together are worth the energy and the money you spend trying to build a future together - from two different cities.
I did that a long time ago myself. It was just London - Paris. It was hard. From the moment we were no longer in the same city, it did not last. We were young and we did not have prospects of meeting up in the same city.. and we would have prioritised our careers over our love life any day of the week.. ah the youngsters.. To be honest, I was probably not mature enough to be able to handle such a relationship - it is a real commitment.
I do admire people who make it work. A friend of mine started a relationship like this (Paris - NYC) and after many years of transatlantic communication ended up marrying the girl. They now live happily (ever after?) in the same city.
A friend of mine once said "it seems in your life you are always looking for either one of these 3 things: a job, a boyfriend or a flat".
Also, that same person said that she did not believe that in this day and age, both persons in a couple could be successful in their careers and live in the same city. Someone always had to "give up" and follow the other in whichever city he got the dream job offer. How sad if true. Although I am starting to think it might be true..
Sometimes life is just that complicated and even though reason and logic are against us, we just do these things, test ourselves, test our relationship. That is also how we know better ourselves, what we want from someone, from a relationship and from our lives.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Monday, 9 November 2015
Wednesday, 30 September 2015
Independent women - a very judgemental post on dependent women
Something very unusual happened today: I was in Westbourne Grove, walking in the sunny streets of Notting Hill at 1pm on a Wednesday. It was wonderful. Needless to say that never happened to me in my previous life as an investment banker.
By the time I arrived at the Granger & Co to have brunch, I was shocked: no, the place was not half-empty and yes, I had to queue to get a table with my friend.
Is that what people do on Wednesdays?
So WHO are these people who can just take 2 hours to get brunch in the middle of a very residential area on a Wednesday?
First me and my friend: ok me: I quit a month ago and I am looking for my dream job. My friend: she is a hardcore lawyer who just happens to be on a long sick leave because she was actually very sick (but now getting better :) ). So yes we had good reasons to be out in the sun on this perfect Wednesday. As women who used to work a lot, we actually really enjoyed the simple fact of taking time to have a nice brunch outside, and just seeing a beautiful blue sky above our heads was enough to make us happy. The others: we don't know them but fact: 1) they were all women (except for the odd grandpa); 2) they were all wearing sunglasses, very expensive clothes and very expensive handbags and 3) they did not look like they ever worked in their lives.
Yes, I am very judgmental but it's all facts: there was not a single middle-aged man in this room. Talk about equality of sex.. You don't get to not work on a Wednesday afternoon wearing a Chanel bag just by not earning a living. No, you have to marry rich for that.
I guess in this part of London, some women just don't work, they are housewives. I admit it, my friend and I judged them a bit and we were quite proud to be independent women.
Yes, you can argue: you can never be too independent, it's sad to not depend on anyone in anyway. We are humans and we need each others to live a happy life. And you could say that maybe these women were financially dependent on their men but likewise, their men were dependent on them for many other things and that each person in the couple would contribute in her/his own way to the relationship.
STILL. I strongly believe that being financially independent means you can actually chose who you are with. It means the relationship is balanced and no one can threaten anyone of putting them on the streets or on the contrary, taking away all they have through a nasty divorce.
My mother always told me: "Sophie, you have to work and you have to be financially independent. Then when you are with someone, you can always leave". Not very romantic haha, yet very pragmatic! How dreadful (DREADFUL!) would it be to stay with someone because you couldn't afford to live on your own...
And yes ok, life is more complicated than that.. There comes a time when you have kids and it becomes also tricky to have a great career and be financially independent .. I don't pretend I have the answer and who knows, maybe I will end up depending on my man to buy my groceries one day. I am just going to try to postpone this moment as long as I can. I trust him and I hope to live all my life with him and I hope that money never comes in between us.. But that's hopeful thinking and at the end of the day, it's nice for him and me to know I am with him because I want to and not because it's financially convenient!
By the time I arrived at the Granger & Co to have brunch, I was shocked: no, the place was not half-empty and yes, I had to queue to get a table with my friend.
Is that what people do on Wednesdays?
So WHO are these people who can just take 2 hours to get brunch in the middle of a very residential area on a Wednesday?
First me and my friend: ok me: I quit a month ago and I am looking for my dream job. My friend: she is a hardcore lawyer who just happens to be on a long sick leave because she was actually very sick (but now getting better :) ). So yes we had good reasons to be out in the sun on this perfect Wednesday. As women who used to work a lot, we actually really enjoyed the simple fact of taking time to have a nice brunch outside, and just seeing a beautiful blue sky above our heads was enough to make us happy. The others: we don't know them but fact: 1) they were all women (except for the odd grandpa); 2) they were all wearing sunglasses, very expensive clothes and very expensive handbags and 3) they did not look like they ever worked in their lives.
Yes, I am very judgmental but it's all facts: there was not a single middle-aged man in this room. Talk about equality of sex.. You don't get to not work on a Wednesday afternoon wearing a Chanel bag just by not earning a living. No, you have to marry rich for that.
I guess in this part of London, some women just don't work, they are housewives. I admit it, my friend and I judged them a bit and we were quite proud to be independent women.
Yes, you can argue: you can never be too independent, it's sad to not depend on anyone in anyway. We are humans and we need each others to live a happy life. And you could say that maybe these women were financially dependent on their men but likewise, their men were dependent on them for many other things and that each person in the couple would contribute in her/his own way to the relationship.
STILL. I strongly believe that being financially independent means you can actually chose who you are with. It means the relationship is balanced and no one can threaten anyone of putting them on the streets or on the contrary, taking away all they have through a nasty divorce.
My mother always told me: "Sophie, you have to work and you have to be financially independent. Then when you are with someone, you can always leave". Not very romantic haha, yet very pragmatic! How dreadful (DREADFUL!) would it be to stay with someone because you couldn't afford to live on your own...
And yes ok, life is more complicated than that.. There comes a time when you have kids and it becomes also tricky to have a great career and be financially independent .. I don't pretend I have the answer and who knows, maybe I will end up depending on my man to buy my groceries one day. I am just going to try to postpone this moment as long as I can. I trust him and I hope to live all my life with him and I hope that money never comes in between us.. But that's hopeful thinking and at the end of the day, it's nice for him and me to know I am with him because I want to and not because it's financially convenient!
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