Ambition is not merely a "desire and determination to achieve success" as the dictionary claims.
The level of someone's ambition can be measured by
the level of sacrifices he/she is ready to make to achieve success. Ambition is not a desire, it's action. It's basically staying home to revise when all
your friends are going out, it's saying "no" to a night out with your friends in order to prepare for that interview.
Let's bear that in mind next time we say we want something - do we truly want it? Have we done everything we could to succeed?
If not, either consider a. if we really want it b. if we should work more for it!
Monday, 9 November 2015
Priorities
I started this blog a few days after I quit my job in banking.
Funnily enough, many people who also worked in banking and saved money like me could not see themselves stop working, take time to find out what they really liked and be unemployed for a short period of time. They considered it was "wasting" their savings. The way I see it, after working for x many years, my savings allowed me to take a break and find out what I really wanted to do with my life. What would be a better use of my money? A bigger flat next to the park? Nice restaurants? Nice holidays? Nice clothes? Well all these are cool - once you like what you do at work, yes (or at least when you don't hate what you do). These things are pointless if you are miserable 12 hour a day.
Quitting allowed me to finally sleep, cook my meals, meet people who do all sorts of jobs (or at least read about them) and properly think about what I wanted to do, and then research and apply.
It was the best money I had ever spent in the last 5 years!
Long distance relationships
Long distance relationships always puzzled me.
Long distance relationships with no end in sight means the following: "You are so awesome and unique. I live in a city with 3mn inhabitants and you live in a city with 4mn inhabitants. Yet, of all these people I decide I want to be with you. Yes you, the one that lives 6000km away. There is no one else in my 3mn inhabited city that is a better fit for me".
Wow. When you take a step back, it's mind blowing. Love does make you blind. Yes, that person is so truly awesome and special that you'd rather spend hours on your phone or Skype or apart because the small moments you have together are worth the energy and the money you spend trying to build a future together - from two different cities.
I did that a long time ago myself. It was just London - Paris. It was hard. From the moment we were no longer in the same city, it did not last. We were young and we did not have prospects of meeting up in the same city.. and we would have prioritised our careers over our love life any day of the week.. ah the youngsters.. To be honest, I was probably not mature enough to be able to handle such a relationship - it is a real commitment.
I do admire people who make it work. A friend of mine started a relationship like this (Paris - NYC) and after many years of transatlantic communication ended up marrying the girl. They now live happily (ever after?) in the same city.
A friend of mine once said "it seems in your life you are always looking for either one of these 3 things: a job, a boyfriend or a flat".
Also, that same person said that she did not believe that in this day and age, both persons in a couple could be successful in their careers and live in the same city. Someone always had to "give up" and follow the other in whichever city he got the dream job offer. How sad if true. Although I am starting to think it might be true..
Sometimes life is just that complicated and even though reason and logic are against us, we just do these things, test ourselves, test our relationship. That is also how we know better ourselves, what we want from someone, from a relationship and from our lives.
Long distance relationships with no end in sight means the following: "You are so awesome and unique. I live in a city with 3mn inhabitants and you live in a city with 4mn inhabitants. Yet, of all these people I decide I want to be with you. Yes you, the one that lives 6000km away. There is no one else in my 3mn inhabited city that is a better fit for me".
Wow. When you take a step back, it's mind blowing. Love does make you blind. Yes, that person is so truly awesome and special that you'd rather spend hours on your phone or Skype or apart because the small moments you have together are worth the energy and the money you spend trying to build a future together - from two different cities.
I did that a long time ago myself. It was just London - Paris. It was hard. From the moment we were no longer in the same city, it did not last. We were young and we did not have prospects of meeting up in the same city.. and we would have prioritised our careers over our love life any day of the week.. ah the youngsters.. To be honest, I was probably not mature enough to be able to handle such a relationship - it is a real commitment.
I do admire people who make it work. A friend of mine started a relationship like this (Paris - NYC) and after many years of transatlantic communication ended up marrying the girl. They now live happily (ever after?) in the same city.
A friend of mine once said "it seems in your life you are always looking for either one of these 3 things: a job, a boyfriend or a flat".
Also, that same person said that she did not believe that in this day and age, both persons in a couple could be successful in their careers and live in the same city. Someone always had to "give up" and follow the other in whichever city he got the dream job offer. How sad if true. Although I am starting to think it might be true..
Sometimes life is just that complicated and even though reason and logic are against us, we just do these things, test ourselves, test our relationship. That is also how we know better ourselves, what we want from someone, from a relationship and from our lives.
Wednesday, 30 September 2015
Independent women - a very judgemental post on dependent women
Something very unusual happened today: I was in Westbourne Grove, walking in the sunny streets of Notting Hill at 1pm on a Wednesday. It was wonderful. Needless to say that never happened to me in my previous life as an investment banker.
By the time I arrived at the Granger & Co to have brunch, I was shocked: no, the place was not half-empty and yes, I had to queue to get a table with my friend.
Is that what people do on Wednesdays?
So WHO are these people who can just take 2 hours to get brunch in the middle of a very residential area on a Wednesday?
First me and my friend: ok me: I quit a month ago and I am looking for my dream job. My friend: she is a hardcore lawyer who just happens to be on a long sick leave because she was actually very sick (but now getting better :) ). So yes we had good reasons to be out in the sun on this perfect Wednesday. As women who used to work a lot, we actually really enjoyed the simple fact of taking time to have a nice brunch outside, and just seeing a beautiful blue sky above our heads was enough to make us happy. The others: we don't know them but fact: 1) they were all women (except for the odd grandpa); 2) they were all wearing sunglasses, very expensive clothes and very expensive handbags and 3) they did not look like they ever worked in their lives.
Yes, I am very judgmental but it's all facts: there was not a single middle-aged man in this room. Talk about equality of sex.. You don't get to not work on a Wednesday afternoon wearing a Chanel bag just by not earning a living. No, you have to marry rich for that.
I guess in this part of London, some women just don't work, they are housewives. I admit it, my friend and I judged them a bit and we were quite proud to be independent women.
Yes, you can argue: you can never be too independent, it's sad to not depend on anyone in anyway. We are humans and we need each others to live a happy life. And you could say that maybe these women were financially dependent on their men but likewise, their men were dependent on them for many other things and that each person in the couple would contribute in her/his own way to the relationship.
STILL. I strongly believe that being financially independent means you can actually chose who you are with. It means the relationship is balanced and no one can threaten anyone of putting them on the streets or on the contrary, taking away all they have through a nasty divorce.
My mother always told me: "Sophie, you have to work and you have to be financially independent. Then when you are with someone, you can always leave". Not very romantic haha, yet very pragmatic! How dreadful (DREADFUL!) would it be to stay with someone because you couldn't afford to live on your own...
And yes ok, life is more complicated than that.. There comes a time when you have kids and it becomes also tricky to have a great career and be financially independent .. I don't pretend I have the answer and who knows, maybe I will end up depending on my man to buy my groceries one day. I am just going to try to postpone this moment as long as I can. I trust him and I hope to live all my life with him and I hope that money never comes in between us.. But that's hopeful thinking and at the end of the day, it's nice for him and me to know I am with him because I want to and not because it's financially convenient!
By the time I arrived at the Granger & Co to have brunch, I was shocked: no, the place was not half-empty and yes, I had to queue to get a table with my friend.
Is that what people do on Wednesdays?
So WHO are these people who can just take 2 hours to get brunch in the middle of a very residential area on a Wednesday?
First me and my friend: ok me: I quit a month ago and I am looking for my dream job. My friend: she is a hardcore lawyer who just happens to be on a long sick leave because she was actually very sick (but now getting better :) ). So yes we had good reasons to be out in the sun on this perfect Wednesday. As women who used to work a lot, we actually really enjoyed the simple fact of taking time to have a nice brunch outside, and just seeing a beautiful blue sky above our heads was enough to make us happy. The others: we don't know them but fact: 1) they were all women (except for the odd grandpa); 2) they were all wearing sunglasses, very expensive clothes and very expensive handbags and 3) they did not look like they ever worked in their lives.
Yes, I am very judgmental but it's all facts: there was not a single middle-aged man in this room. Talk about equality of sex.. You don't get to not work on a Wednesday afternoon wearing a Chanel bag just by not earning a living. No, you have to marry rich for that.
I guess in this part of London, some women just don't work, they are housewives. I admit it, my friend and I judged them a bit and we were quite proud to be independent women.
Yes, you can argue: you can never be too independent, it's sad to not depend on anyone in anyway. We are humans and we need each others to live a happy life. And you could say that maybe these women were financially dependent on their men but likewise, their men were dependent on them for many other things and that each person in the couple would contribute in her/his own way to the relationship.
STILL. I strongly believe that being financially independent means you can actually chose who you are with. It means the relationship is balanced and no one can threaten anyone of putting them on the streets or on the contrary, taking away all they have through a nasty divorce.
My mother always told me: "Sophie, you have to work and you have to be financially independent. Then when you are with someone, you can always leave". Not very romantic haha, yet very pragmatic! How dreadful (DREADFUL!) would it be to stay with someone because you couldn't afford to live on your own...
And yes ok, life is more complicated than that.. There comes a time when you have kids and it becomes also tricky to have a great career and be financially independent .. I don't pretend I have the answer and who knows, maybe I will end up depending on my man to buy my groceries one day. I am just going to try to postpone this moment as long as I can. I trust him and I hope to live all my life with him and I hope that money never comes in between us.. But that's hopeful thinking and at the end of the day, it's nice for him and me to know I am with him because I want to and not because it's financially convenient!
Monday, 21 September 2015
On true friendship
While researching on friendship, I stumbled into formidable quotes.
Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. Muhammad Ali
Why is true friendship so rare? - Because people are jealous
In my daily life, I find that true friendship is hard to find. Indeed, one aspect of true friendship involves the ability to be truly happy for the good things that happen to your friends. Can you be happy for your friend who has the nicest girlfriend and family? who goes on holidays every month to the most exotic places in the world because he can? who just found the best job in the world and gets paid lots of money for it?
It's easier when you are happy yourself. Imagine being stuck in a job you hate and that pays coconuts and with no special someone despite you trying really hard to find one - can you still be happy for that friend who has it all? Well, don't worry, for your true friends, you will be (I hope for you).
I have met many jealous people who could only be happy for me when they were happy themselves. I learnt the hard way that they were not true friends indeed. Whenever I became too lucky or too happy, these people would become jealous instead of being happy for me. Jealousy led to gossip. Gossip always led to drama. Drama eventually weakened our "friendship". (cf. also my article on the Defining Decade. I am so happy to finally be able to spot potential true friends.) Move away from these toxic people and remember that true friends will always be happy for you. Never feel bad for being happy!
Does true friendship last forever? - Yes but you have to cultivate it, at least a little bit
Are we supposed to be friends with our friends for the rest of our lives? And if we don't stay friends, are we bad friends? Does it mean we were not true friends back then?
I am now much less close to some friends than I used to be but I do cherish those friendships. I am thinking of a few people that I have lost over the years and with whom I am not so close anymore because I moved to this island or they moved away. I know that back then, I could ask anything to these few friends and they would be there for me. They would pick me up in the middle of the night or give me a place to stay when I needed one. They would be here to celebrate my successes but also here to listen to me in my moments of doubt or sadness. Maybe today is different and they would not be the first people I call, but I do believe we will always have that special connection.
Sometimes I see these friends after months or even years of separation, and it's like we saw each other last week. I then feel absolutely sht for being such a bad friend, I realise how much I miss them and I promise myself to see them more often. I was lucky this time but I might lose them one day.
How can we spot true friends? - I don't know but take a chance
Our true friends will reveal themselves in time of need (this one, most people know). We have all experienced that disappointing feeling of finding out that some people we thought were our friends were in fact not that faithful. I think that time will tell. We can only really find out when shit happens. Shit happens, so eventually we do find out.
One thing I would advise and it may be the wrong way of doing things but that's what I do: always give the best of yourself to these people you think could become great friends with. Offer them a place to stay when they need it, introduce them to your friends, help them to get that job they want so much .. Do all that even if they have not done any of that for you yet because you just met them. Take the chance. It's unlikely you could regret it however the potential upside is uncapped.
Sometimes you have to do the first move towards someone to realise they can become truly awesome. After all, that's what friends do: they will bring out the best of you and you will find yourself being an incredibly patient, generous or understanding person because your friends made you. You cared so much about them that you became all that for them.
Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer. Jean de La Fontaine
My best friend is the one who brings out the best of me. Henry Ford
Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. Muhammad Ali
Why is true friendship so rare? - Because people are jealous
In my daily life, I find that true friendship is hard to find. Indeed, one aspect of true friendship involves the ability to be truly happy for the good things that happen to your friends. Can you be happy for your friend who has the nicest girlfriend and family? who goes on holidays every month to the most exotic places in the world because he can? who just found the best job in the world and gets paid lots of money for it?
It's easier when you are happy yourself. Imagine being stuck in a job you hate and that pays coconuts and with no special someone despite you trying really hard to find one - can you still be happy for that friend who has it all? Well, don't worry, for your true friends, you will be (I hope for you).
I have met many jealous people who could only be happy for me when they were happy themselves. I learnt the hard way that they were not true friends indeed. Whenever I became too lucky or too happy, these people would become jealous instead of being happy for me. Jealousy led to gossip. Gossip always led to drama. Drama eventually weakened our "friendship". (cf. also my article on the Defining Decade. I am so happy to finally be able to spot potential true friends.) Move away from these toxic people and remember that true friends will always be happy for you. Never feel bad for being happy!
Does true friendship last forever? - Yes but you have to cultivate it, at least a little bit
Are we supposed to be friends with our friends for the rest of our lives? And if we don't stay friends, are we bad friends? Does it mean we were not true friends back then?
I am now much less close to some friends than I used to be but I do cherish those friendships. I am thinking of a few people that I have lost over the years and with whom I am not so close anymore because I moved to this island or they moved away. I know that back then, I could ask anything to these few friends and they would be there for me. They would pick me up in the middle of the night or give me a place to stay when I needed one. They would be here to celebrate my successes but also here to listen to me in my moments of doubt or sadness. Maybe today is different and they would not be the first people I call, but I do believe we will always have that special connection.
Sometimes I see these friends after months or even years of separation, and it's like we saw each other last week. I then feel absolutely sht for being such a bad friend, I realise how much I miss them and I promise myself to see them more often. I was lucky this time but I might lose them one day.
How can we spot true friends? - I don't know but take a chance
Our true friends will reveal themselves in time of need (this one, most people know). We have all experienced that disappointing feeling of finding out that some people we thought were our friends were in fact not that faithful. I think that time will tell. We can only really find out when shit happens. Shit happens, so eventually we do find out.
One thing I would advise and it may be the wrong way of doing things but that's what I do: always give the best of yourself to these people you think could become great friends with. Offer them a place to stay when they need it, introduce them to your friends, help them to get that job they want so much .. Do all that even if they have not done any of that for you yet because you just met them. Take the chance. It's unlikely you could regret it however the potential upside is uncapped.
Sometimes you have to do the first move towards someone to realise they can become truly awesome. After all, that's what friends do: they will bring out the best of you and you will find yourself being an incredibly patient, generous or understanding person because your friends made you. You cared so much about them that you became all that for them.
Friday, 11 September 2015
Nice, Honest and Brave
Today I would like to share the precious advice of my mum in the matter of Love (sorry male reader, this one might sound boring, and at the same time, you'll know what to aim for if you want to find a great girl). I hesitated to do so because it's cheesy but then Love is such an important topic. After all, you can always change jobs, move cities.. But if you marry wrong, it's painful.
So here I am not talking about that person you'll stay with until you don't. No, here I am talking about "the one" - that person you want to build your life with.
So here I am not talking about that person you'll stay with until you don't. No, here I am talking about "the one" - that person you want to build your life with.
And it's not just to for the sake of your personal life. Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg famously said in her book "Lean in", "I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a
woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner
is."
We probably all have a sub-conscious list of desired attributes: "smart, handsome, fun and a great lover". We tend to be naturally attracted to men displaying these attributes. My mum however has always told me that a man should be 1. nice 2. honest 3. brave.
I know what you think, this list is boring.
And yet...
"Honest" because we don't want someone dishonest. Not everything is black or white and it is rare when we can say someone is outright dishonest. However there are persons we know we can trust: they have integrity and we can instantly feel it. And that's what I mean here. We are looking for Captain Americas. I know some people lie to protect their loved ones, but what if they did not do anything wrong to lie about in the first place? Someone honest is less likely to hurt you.
Thirdly, we will need someone "brave" by our sides because life is full of adversity and we'll need someone to be brave with us when things don't go our way. Maybe a family member gets sick, maybe there is a downturn in the economy and we get fired, maybe our kid bullies everyone at school. We cannot have someone who just gives up when things get complicated. We want someone who stays with us through adversity and who can then better enjoy our victories.
I guess my mum knew that I was not going to be attracted to someone not smart and not handsome.. So I think it was insightful to have her not-so-boring list.
Finally, I will end the list by saying there is no love without admiration. Being proud of being with someone is the basis of a happy relationship, in my view (actually, my mum also said that). I believe that when you love someone, you want to tell everyone you are with that person. If you don't, there is something going on...
Yes, we all have an opinion on the subject. I have been told "marry rich", I have been told "marry your best friend". There has even been more specific advice stating your "soul mate" (I am not a big fan of the term though) is apparently someone who
will absolutely share the same views as you on 1. punctuality 2. orderliness 3.
money (quite far from the generic wisdom of my mum but probably a fair point).
I
don't mean to have the true answer and I am not about to celebrate my diamond wedding anniversary - I just wanted to share my mum's wisdom and thank her. I think I finally recognise that these are the values I am looking for in someone. It takes time to know what you are after. It is hard to find "the one", especially when you think it's gonna last a loooong time. So good luck everyone in your quest for true love, never give up!
Thursday, 10 September 2015
On why I run - not thinking is the true luxury!
Beyond that, I seriously want to beat my PB ("Personal Best").
I went for a run with a friend last Saturday and unlike me, she just did not care at all to beat her PB. Her time did not matter. She just wanted to have fun during the training and the race... I will now sound mad and crazy and obsessive but I instantly wanted to convince her to beat her PB.
I am very conscious of the fact that I have not trained properly because I was busy (lazy?) and the race is very hilly and it is indeed very possible that I will not succeed to beat my PB... ...but at least I am gonna try! Really hard! And it's definitely the aim! It's somehow not conceivable for me to not try on d-day. It got me thinking, why do I care so much when she obviously does not care at all? What is it with me with beating PBs? Why am I so competitive? Am I really competitive though? I am my own competition - I just want to run faster than my previous self (six months ago).
I guess the answer is that it keeps me going. I have this great goal to work towards, it forces me to train when I am lazy. It gives me this stupid sense of purpose. I want to get better at it. I don't think it's for the praises because I don't run so fast that everyone would be impressed by my time. People who run will know I am not a fast runner and people who don't run will have no idea how fast I am or not. So really, it's mainly for me. When (if) I eventually beat my last PB, even by a few seconds, I know I will have this strong sense of satisfaction that I can run faster than I did six months ago. And it's a great feeling knowing I can still improve and my peak has not passed. If we don't want to be better at things that we do, what do we have left? Surviving?
As to why I run, it's not very obvious. Running is often described as "boring" (it can be at times). Running as fast as you can on a very long distance is on top of that .. ..painful. It's so painful that I almost overdosed at the 2015 Paris Half-Marathon - never again! Like a kid who just had his worst hangover on alcohol and promised never to drink again, I promised never to run again.. Until one month later, I ran the last 10K of the marathon with my brother and witnessed his pain and pride. It was awesome.
I started running because I wanted to be fit and it was so easy to start running: you just need shoes and off you go! (unlike tennis for example, where you need shoes but also a partner, a racket, tennis balls, an outdoor court with good weather conditions or an indoor court, and if you have never played tennis, you'll probably need a teacher)..
Truth is, now I love running because 1. it's easier than it used to be - I am not out of breath straight away -, 2. the London parks are beautiful (Vicky park and Hyde park are my favourite) and it's the rare occasion I have to explore them 3. it's almost the only time where I don't think. It's comparable to meditation really. I don't think about friends, boyfriend, job hunting, money, family, holidays, getting a dog, my need to learn more, read more, paint more, travel more, the paperwork I did not do or the groceries I have to do. No, I just look at the road ahead of me, focus on my breathing and think about my pace. I look at my Tomtom "Damn I am too slow, I'll never beat my PB like this" or "Damn I am too fast I won't last at this pace". That's it. It's a true luxury to be able to think about nothing these days. It gets me tired too - the good tiredness, and when I am done, I am proud of the miles I have run.
It takes time to like running, so if you just started don't give up just yet. Just run more slowly.
If you are still not convinced, here is a great book about running: What I talk about when I talk about running, Haruki Murakami
And talking about books, I have just finished the best fiction I have read in ages: The Martian, Andy Weir. Could seriously not put down!
Enjoy the reading and the running, and let's try to always want to run faster (or be a better version of ourselves)!
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